Moving Forward

My life as of late has been well, I’m not quite sure how to describe it to be honest. The closest description that hits home would probably be a clusterfuck (pardon my french). As evidenced by my lack of posting there has not been much time in my life for anything aside from trying to figure out my life.

It is these times in life when you are not quite sure what to do and when you can describe your life as a clusterfuck that you have two choices:

1. Hide from the problem
2. Confront the problem and face it head on

If I am being honest (which I always try to be) I am great at hiding from the problem. I use distractions such as games and people and really anything that keeps me busy enough that I do not have to think about the problem. However, eventually the problem always makes itself known to a greater degree and eventually we are forced into option number two of confronting the problem and facing it head on.

This has been my life over the last few months. I found myself in a situation where I needed to make some difficult decisions. Decisions I did not want to make even though my gaming community friends who knew what was going on were encouraging me to make those decisions. Making these decisions I knew would put me in a position where my relationships with family members were at risk. However, recently I have been forced to make those decisions anyways.

I know that these decisions will ultimately lead to a healthier me, physically and mentally but it has been difficult to say the least. Today I journeyed to a reserve and sat and listened to music and watched water from the River flow by.

As I sat there I remembered an exercise I had learned when I had explored the practice of Mindfulness in the past. You imagine yourself next to a river, creek, or some other source of water that is flowing. You hear the birds and the sound of the water flowing by. Occasionally thoughts will cross your mind, imagine those thoughts on a leaf or stick and let them float down the river and away with the water. This practice helps with getting rid of destructive or anxiety filled thoughts.

Recently for me it has been a family member that has caused my anxiety and stress. So while I sat next to the River I imagined that family member floating away down the river (Yes, I may have imagined them being submerged under the water a couple of times too but that is besides the point). I took the time to let the stress and anxiety flow away.

I am trying my best to let go of the last chapter of my life. I am ready to step forward into the next chapter of my life and during this time focus on me and focus on being a healthier me. Over the coming weeks and months I hope that you ladies will allow me to share that journey with you. I want to see my community of ladies who game continue to evolve and be about more than just gaming but a community of ladies who game and also support each other through the ups and downs of life.